Toner's Travels: October 2007

Buyer's Remorse???

You never really know what you're getting yourself into when you buy a house. You don't know what the area is like to live in, you don't know your neighbors, transport functionality, basic logistics and how day-to-day life will pan out.

One recent trip to our local proved informative.

2 pints of lager = $5

Admission into the lounge for live entertainment =$12

Bartender serving beer in bath robe plus towel on her head = Priceless

In my area I can buy a goat's head, ox tongue and a dried chicken. I have stepped over the Bob Marley look alike who was exhaling an odorifous amount of mary jane and appeared to just be chilling on the sidewalk. I have sung along to "How Great Thou Art" while shopping for veg on the high street only to realise that the hymm was getting louder from the people walking beside me. (a possible Fame episode could have broken out.) I have relied too long on grocery store signage and need to learn the different fruit and veg as most of the world knows the difference between a mango and papaya. I live near Netto, it sounds like Ghetto and is a lovely grocery store I'm sure, but like I said, it sounds like ghetto. I have given to those with there hands held out needing a little help.

Recently a woman approached the car as we were turning down the street. She looked quite upset and approached the car in hysterics asking for money to help feed her children. She stated she needed nappies and milk. Ian looked over to me and so I tried to get the fiver to her as quickly as possible. She took it and off she went. Quite proud of my good deed, Ian said, "what are you doing? she said she needed to feed her kids Nappies and Chips! Who buys there kids Chips? She's a crackhead! You just subsidised the poppy fields in Afghanistan. Nice work!"

Well Kuwait was interesting to say the least. I took a red eye from London and arrived first in Doha, Qatar and then to Kuwait City. Doha was amazingly hot and humid, heat that I have never experienced. My flight was full of travellers headed to exotic destinations and did not adequately prep me for the adventure. Pretty hungry I took advantage of the coffee shack and made a trip to the ATM and pulled out 100 Qatari $. 30 of these smackers got me the coffee and pastry I needed to hold me over until the Kuwaiti hunger strike. 30, I'm really hoping that wasn't $30, better yet, I'm really hoping that the coffee wasn't 30 Pooounds! Note to self, check Torrance credit union when I arrive in Kuwait. I soon headed north and landed in Kuwait City, this airport is not so international. The Arabian Knight get up is very daunting to say the least. Well I pulled another $100, but this time Kuwaiti dollars (KD) from the ATM. Who knew that Kuwait recently separated from the dollar? Who knew it surpassed the British Pound? Who knew it was a 1:4 ratio? Who knew that I only needed 2 KD for incidental tips for my 3 day stay? Live and learn. Well it was bloody hot.

And despite being told that the hotel would happily serve me food behind closed doors, this didn't exactly happen. I joined my Muslim brothers and sisters and partook in the Ramadan fast. Begrudingly, yes, but a days feast awaited me at sundown.

Why was I there? I was recruited for an MBA Talent Recruit position. I would be travelling to the top universities to find talent that would come and work for Alghanim Industries, a huge conglomerate based in Kuwait whose span is far reaching. While the role sounded exciting and the people were great, who knew Kuwait just wouldn't appeal. The one benefit of working there would have been honing my marketing and sales skills....painting a picture of Kuwait to the most recent graduate of Harvard...who could resist the proposition? Driving around was very odd. There are parts Kuwait City that look like LA, new strip malls, the biggest SUVs, the worst food chains...Applebee's, Fuckruckers and Chi Chi's. I mean really folks, Chi Chi's? That's a Mexican food restaurant that I would every so often visit when I was at Uni at St. Norbert's in Wisconsin! Wisconsin food chains have no business every going international, let alone an ethnic restaurant with no Mexicans anywhere close to the midwest. I digress. But it did appear that every poor food chain had capitalised on the war and introduced itself during the rebuild. As for the rebuild, a lot of construction is happening and cranes fill the skyline. So I did receive my first job offer, but destination Kuwait is not in the cards for me. I'm not ready to give up the Euro lifestyle, live inside for four months every year, regard the GYM as a night out on the town, completely detox.

Also, the flight back was a little intense. Can we say, "fish out of water?" I first approached the customs desk where I was asked to show my Kuwaiti visa, "um, what if I packed it?" the gruff look was enough for me to start praying to Allah to please for the love of god and all that is sacred and holy may I find that Kuwaiti visa in my purse. The shout out to Allah, Buddha and MOses must have worked. Then as I'm waiting for the x-ray screeners some fool walked through with 2.5 gallon jug of water. Here I'm thinking, "Um sir, that's how a bunch of crazies in London grounded all flights, tried to blow up air fleet, and made me smuggle lipstick on board for the past year." I appreciate this man's pilgrimage, but not cool.

Then every which language being spoken and the little Arabic that I've learnt from Howard Stern just wasn't cutting it. We boarded the plane and not only was I a young, lovely American female there was about 109 years difference between me and the other 3 ladies onboard. Hmmm, this might cause some distraction to folks. Sing along folks, this next tune is from Sesame STreet.... "Which one of these is not like the other, which one of these is standing alone, can you guess which one is not like the other...can you guess which one?" So as the plane engine began to roar, behind me were two fools praying aloud. While I appreciate god fearing people, I really like to know what's being said, another fool is putting on his scented oils that began to kill my nostrils yet heighten my awareness to a few key things learnt from Barbara Walters on 20/20 post September 11th, and the mad tripper sitting beside me was looking at me and then back over his shoulder to his friends, back and forth, back and forth.....oh holy moses! The exit door on my right was looking pretty good and yes, I have read my Worst Case Scenario handbook and you better be damn sure that I know how to open that door. Serious angst, bad voodoo and a lot of smelly men later, I soon arrived back in London sans my Ambien and completely knackered.

I can't tell you exactly what it was, but Kuwait is not the place for me. I had a few people think I was Lebanese, Syrian and/or Palestinian. Who knew?

Enjoy the sounds of the Imam whose prayers are amplified around the neighborhood.

Have a rockin' Ramadan.

Salam Malakim,

Laura